This goes out to my divorce transition clients.
Divorce and separation can carry with it loads of emotion including anger, resentment, sadness, regret, pain, guilt. The list goes on and on. In my opinion, the best idea is to deal with the emotions you are feeling. Not sweep them under the rug, not judge them, not pretend they don’t exist, and not feel guilty for the choice you made. In my understanding you made the best decision you could at the time with all the information you had available to you. You are an intelligent person that makes good decisions and I trust that you have thought of which life consequence avenue you are willing to live with.
Many times I hear “I’m told I’m just being selfish” I thought that was interesting today when I came across a paragraph out of the book “A course in Miracles”. Here it is…
“God established his relationship with you to make you happy, and nothing you do that does not share His purpose can be real. The purpose God ascribed to anything is its only function. Because of his reason for creating His relationship with you, the function of relationships became forever “to make happy” and nothing else. To fulfill this function you relate to your creations as God to His. For nothing God created is apart from happiness, and nothing God created but would extend happiness as its Creator did. Whatever does not fulfill this function cannot be real.”
I thought this was an interesting understanding, as religion and the expectations of religion and duty are often the accusation used when a person leans towards separation or divorce.
What is missed is that the very fact that the marriage is all about DUTY and goes against what God had in mind with “make happy”.
As with every time we have sessions together, I tell you that my point is not to convince you to neither to get divorced, nor to stay married. That is besides the point. In my work, no matter what you are going through, the fact that you are imprinting your body’s cells with potentially life threatening codes of emotion and pain is what is of utmost importance to me. Do you know where anger and resentment reside in the body? The liver. Do you know how important the liver is? Not only can the pain or anger and fear create energy blockages throughout the body, but they interfere with the autonomic nerve system, which regulates everything in your body in balance. This is why you can experience heart palpitations and flutterings and even chest pain without an explanatory diagnosis. Fear and panic attacks are common as well as the development of nerve disorders. Pain and regret can also block the energy meridians of the heart making it very difficult to push abundant love out into the world, or to receive any for the self. Concepts of devalue and low self esteem start to take root and can do a mental number on a person. Now forget about just you. If you don't want to think "selfishly", think of the energy that is being transferred and felt by your children. They are much more receptive than adults. Not only just witnessing what is in front of them, but feeling the energy of fear and anger does not do good things for a growing body or your own.
This is not to scare you, and in truth, these statements are only real if you take them in as truth for YOU. But then, if you were good at seeing and acting from your own truth, you wouldn't be where you are.
My role is to help you see your own TRUTH instead of hide from it. Whether it’s divorce or a job, or a situation, a thought, or a memory, it doesn’t matter. Whatever you are going through RIGHT NOW is what needs to be dealt with and learned from, worked through at the time of episode. That’s where I come in.
I remember when I needed to make the choice myself, my friend Chad said to me, “Amanda, you always have a choice.” I remember feeling so angry! What kind of advice was that?! I had two children and no place to live and no money. What kind of choice did I have?
I had all kinds of reasons to not deal with what was right in front of me. Now, I teach others that you DO always have a choice. And the choice is this…to live in a spark of beauty or a veil of ugliness, to live in truth or illusion, the real world or the world of guilt and fear, to choose freedom or slavery. Thought systems are true or false TO YOUR OWN PERCEPTION AND BELIEF, no matter HOW others want to dictate what should or shouldn’t be, what is right or wrong. All that follows from your perception and belief is but true and is as holy as the Source with which it came. Meaning, that what you know to be true was put there for a reason. Now you get to make the choice of experience you wish to live.
You cannot control anyone else and in truth, the only person you are responsible for is yourself. If your function that the creator gave you is to live from truth within yourself, then how can you be being selfish?
Make happy…truthfully. It’s your soul function.
If you're there, get my book, The Energy of Divorce, it will help you stop with the blame. If you are not, get "Successful Relationships" and you'll learn how to have the best truthful relationships of your life.
Make happy…truthfully. It’s your soul function.