How a Long Line of Conditioning Shapes our Kids to be Judgemental and Intolerant and What You Can Do About It

How a Long Line of Conditioning Shapes our Kids to be Judgemental and Intolerant and What You Can Do About It

The new animated movie, "Smallfoot" has people talking about the perfect timing of a subject that seems non-coincidental in these now times:  accepting those that are different from us.  The full article on the movie I read can be found here.  

What it had me thinking about is the fact that often these judgements so easily and readily placed on others is often due to a long string of activities that begin long before we have even developed the brain enough to DECIDE what we believe is right or wrong, and don't until our views are challenged. 

We see the obvious reason for judgemental attitudes as being the comparison of ourselves, by and for our own egos.  It is a "checks and balance" defense system our own minds create to ensure we guarantee for ourselves that we are "better", "good", and "on the right track".  If "they" are "bad", then we can't be all that bad.  Even if we don't think we are personally doing that, there is a subconscious effort of the mind to always ensure we are "ok".

Why DO we feel the need to judge others' actions, thoughts, and beliefs?  If not to determine a core set of "right" and "wrong", then why?  The argument has been heard that "If we don't define what's "bad", how do we teach people how to be "good"? This mentality begins with a long line of conditioning beginning immediately in a young child's life as we are directing them towards our expectations, and what we want to see from them.  When, in my opinion, often we are not teaching our kids enough about the end result, or what it is we are hoping to achieve as a community, as a world.  We ARE however very intent on controlling the outcome, and the way that is acceptable to us to achieve it. 

It's interesting to me.  It's the old mentality still present today to be clear on our expectations of people, as we're guiding and shaping behavior in our children, clients, students, even employees.  True, there is value in letting people know what you expect of them, especially in a work situation, or for students to know what the teacher expects when turning in a homework assignment.  However, in my opinion, this is very limiting to a very small mindset of possibilities that are thus "right".  It makes me wonder what brilliance we could be missing out on if left to allow other brains to form solutions to the end result.  This very accepted and expected behavior alignment principle is the beginning, for many young people, in a long line of conditioning that teaches there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way.  How does this set our kids up for tolerance, understanding, and compassion of and for those that think differently than they do?  

But again, the argument can be heard that "we need a common thought of good and bad for all people."  OR, how about rather than creating a common thought of expected "good behavior and actions", we focus on the desired result, that being:  the highest good for all?

If the expectation becomes living up to the level of your best existence, the "steps" aren't dictated when the intention and effort is there.  Another way to say this would be to have the image in which each person works towards the good of the whole through thoughts, actions, words, and deeds.  I think our problem in achieving this so far is the ego's need to be better, have more, and put "me" first.  When you put me(the soul) first and act according to the best within you, rather than me(the ego), I wonder what we could accomplish?  If we weren't so particular in how we think things should be, I wonder what blessings we would discover that we never could have dreamed?  How our students and children could succeed in ways we never would have thought?  How our employees could alter actions that could lead to greater success for our companies  I do believe more emphasis needs to be placed on the common good for all and let the roads pave themselves on how that is accomplished. 

I would move towards teaching that no matter what others are doing, to always act from your greatest within.  And trust without judgement that everything happens for a reason.  Even the "bad" has a place, as it teaches us to grow.  In any and all situations, learn to see the lesson in it. 

"Smallfoot" takes on  tiny part of a huge epidemic about compassion, acceptance ,and non-judgement, even love for all.  A lesson we can all learn from.  I like to believe that everyone is born with innate goodness. The nature vs nurture argument has been around the block a few times.  Is a person BORN with evil intent?  How much is shaped through nurture?  Well, no matter what the answer, we CAN affect the parts within our range, this being the nurture parts, how a child is raised and the environments and situations he is exposed to.  These create a definite black and white, good and bad scenario, and all that don't conform to our line of thinking  are different and therefore have to be wrong in some way.  

Sometimes judgement of others is easy due to the concepts we have accepted in our minds about these rules of "good and bad".  It's time to examine the concepts stored as programming for how we relate to the world and change that are no longer of service.  Here's a great exercise to become aware of concepts that appreciates the theory that as a baby, all are born with goodness. 



As a Baby: Concept Discovery Exercise

If, as a baby, you had no negative concepts, thoughts, or ideas, and you had everything you needed for everything you needed, ask: when did that change? And what is it that I now feel like I am lacking?

͟What do you feel like right now, what emotions and thoughts are at





Think about each idea you wrote down individually and do this method for each. When did it change? When did it change from an innate knowing of having everything

you need for everything you need to this conceptual feeling you identified in Question 1?  Were there experiences you can remember?



What happened:

Who was involved?

What I learned:  


Now it's up to you what you want to do with the perceived lessons.  If they are working for you, keep it. If not, think about the possibilities of what you COULD believe instead.  

For more on this exercise, download the lesson As A Baby

For more on Conceptology, check out the lessons here.  




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